We either cherish a writer’s solitude or wish to. Many writers who juggle family, friends, and a day job, along with writing, would often like nothing better than to slam the door against the rest of the world.
Ah, solitude!
Sometimes the word is a siren song of peace and productivity. But sometimes a writer’s solitude can go from “alone” to flat-out “lonely.”
Often, writers tend toward introversion—by nature and/or necessity. Our devotion to our craft means our weekends and evenings are spent hunched over a keyboard instead of jet skiing or watching NASCAR. In an interview with The Writer
Writing is something you have to do on your own. You have to take it seriously and be willing to be lonely while you do it.
But what about the moments when that feeling of aloneness becomes overwhelming?
When you can’t help feeling the people in your life don’t have a clue about what drives you as author?
When you start wondering if you’re the only person in the world who struggles with this dual identity: normal person by day, super-secret writer by night?
Or what about the moments when you start wondering if your writing is causing you miss out on something?
When you start wondering if you’re not so much living your life as haunting it?
Sooner or later, every author encounters these feelings. But here’s a truth: you only have to be as alone as you want to be.
4 Tips for Managing a Writer’s Solitude
As important as it is to claim large chunks of uninterrupted writing time, it’s also important you make time to actually live your life. In a Writing Question of the Day conversation on Facebook, Rhonda Rae Baker made the beautiful and undeniable statement that:
A writer has more to say in meaningful ways when they have lived a broad and deep life.
Following are a few tips on balancing a writer’s solitude without letting it become loneliness.
1. Schedule Your Writing Time
Make time to participate in a variety of life experiences, including important relationships.
2. Reach Out to the Writing Community
Particularly in this digital age of Facebook, Twitter, and the blogosphere, other writers are only a mouse click away. Connect with them, commiserate with them, learn from them, and nurture them. (You can connect with me on my social sites by clicking the icons found in the right column.)
3. Seek out Non-Writing Jobs and Hobbies
If you begin to feel you have no life outside of writing, try broadening your horizon. A career or hobby unrelated to writing may be just the ticket for helping you connect with others and glean new experiences.
4. Connect With Readers
If you’re published, you’re connecting with others simply by putting words on paper for them to read. Reach out to them through social media and other venues (libraries, bookstores, book expos, etc.) and encourage them to interact with you. If you aren’t yet published, you can kill two birds with one stone by jumping into the social-media pool and getting to know your readers before the book deal. By the time you’re ready to sign that million-dollar contract, you’ll have an established platform and hordes of encouraging fans.
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Balancing the advantages and disadvantages of a writer’s solitude will be a lifelong challenge for most of us, but it’s definitely worth tackling. As Lori A. May commented in the May 2010 edition of The Writer,
Writing may be a solitary endeavor, but a writer’s life shouldn’t be.
Wordplayers, tell me your opinion! How do you achieve your need for a writer’s solitude while avoiding loneliness? Tell me in the comments!
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The Emotional Toll on Writers in the Modern Landscape (And Why So Many Are Burning Out)
About K.M. Weiland | @KMWeiland
I’m one of those lucky people who was never particularly happy being “a normal person by day.” Now that writing is the center of my life, I usually resent the need to step back into that world now and then. As for loneliness, what little I feel is satisfied by my online contacts.
Well, I still long for solitude as I have four kids I homeschool and a business to run. My writing too often takes a backseat. I have two children’s books I am working on and some articles. I only have a small writing job but I am always rushing through it. So, I am on the side of longing to shut the door and make the world go away! lol
I have semi-enforced social life status. It’s impossible to barricade oneself in with classes and two roommates.
great post, KM! And well-timed. It’s funny because I don’t really think about “loneliness” when I’m actually writing. It’s when I stop and then look up and “where’d everybody go?” 😀
I do try to do what you said here–keep in touch through social networking, kick myself out of the house for important family/friend functions, include family & close friends in what’s happening.
It’s tough. Thanks for the “you’re not alone”~ :o)
@Catana: The Internet has certainly provided social opportunities that writers never had before. It gives us the ability to connect with other writers whom we might otherwise never have been able to meet.
@Richele: Writers with children are Super Writers, IMO. Keep at it! You’re an inspiration to us all.
@Galadriel: So do you find slipping into the “solitude” of your writing a relief?
@LTM: You’re so right. The writing itself is never lonely – not with all the fascinating characters sharing our brain. I think the loneliness is particularly apt to set it when we’re feeling low about work and needing someone else who can understand the ups and downs of our craft.
It’s one of the many reasons I own and train horses, outside of the fact its relaxing. I also keep up my DJ subscriptions even though I no longer DJ because sometimes I just get into a writing rut and need to break out from it. Plus music and horses give me a physical activity to keep my body in shape which helps to sharpen my mind when it gets dull.
Because writing is such a sedentary activity, it’s great to have a hobby that allows you to get outside and move around. Horses are great for that.
Yes, solitude is a relief, especially on the days when I’m in a bad mood
I’m a night owl so I’m usually up late writing which I love because it gives me the freedom to spend time with family and work during the day. When everyone goes to bed, that is my cue to write. I love the solitude of the night for writing.
@Galadriel: No better catharsis than writing, IMO.
@Toni: It’s always great when we can work our schedules around everyone else’s like that. It’s even better when we do it because it’s what flows best with our creative needs in the first place.
I am in the group who long for time alone in order to get all our words on a page. This year i have intentionally given up one day of work in order to have my very own Writing Wednesday! I love it, because even though I do write every day, I always know that on Wednesday I will have a good chunk of alone time.
Sounds wonderful! We all have to make sacrifices for our writing, but, in my experience, they always end up being worth the price we pay.
I have the same habit as Toni, because of my busy family – I am a night writer also. I do love to garden and I used to ride horses and show dogs but those are past hobbies which took a back seat once the family grew. I definitely will plan to start riding again – grew up on a horse, can never see giving that up for long. BTW I passed your blog onto another beginning young writer I met. I know he will get as much out of your valuable experience and insights as we all do – Thank you so much K. :>
SLW aka Sandy
Raising a family is enough of a physical activity for anyone! Thanks so much for passing the blog along. I appreciate it.
I’m a full time teacher with a wonderful husband and four-year-old monkey at home so I’m constantly busy during the school year. The problem becomes trying to find time for writing.
Then there’s summer. That’s when I have a tendency to hole up in my house to write and only come out to garden and BBQ. I have to remind myself I need to hang out with other people then!
I don’t know why I always expect summer (my favorite season) to be relaxing and full of free time, since it always ends up being the busiest months of the year. Holing up with your writing and BBQing sounds great!
This has been a much needed post – and while I’ve known the solutions to my loneliness for a long time, it’s difficult to put them in action.
At the moment, I’m actually signed off work, so I’ve got my health to deal with too. But spending the majority of the day on my own can be very lonely – but the blogosphere helps!
Spending time with all the marvelous characters in your head helps too! So sorry you’re struggling with health problems. I hope you start feeling better soon.
I used to go to the library now and then and work there just to be around people. Now I work two days a week and that keeps me normal:)
I’ve never been able to write with other people around, especially strangers – so libraries and coffee shops have never proven to be good writing spots for me. But sometimes it is nice just to know other people within shouting distance.
You know, my mother holds writing to be the reason I’m not married yet, or at least dating, but I think it has more to do with the fact that I just spent the past three years living abroad, and now am settling back into life in the states.
I write a lot, and I enjoy being by myself, but I like to get out and play as well. Loneliness is part of the battle, yes, but who doesn’t make sacrifices for passion?
Good point. We all make sacrifices for what’s important to us. What’s key is realizing *why* we’re willing to sacrifice and then choosing our sacrifices appropriately.
* Inspiring post, thank you! Although I wish that I had oodles of uninterrupted writing time I ward off the loneliness blues by trying my best to do all that you’ve mentioned. Touching bases with loved ones keeps me going too.
Although I’m don’t have a published book yet I’ve leapt into social media, in order to make connections, as well as learn from others. Also, in order to refresh my creative mind, I’m exercising outdoors more.
Physical exercise is very important, in my opinion – particularly since it’s something that’s often overlooked in the “necessities” of the writing life. We’re sedentary desk jockeys who need an excuse to get outside and get our blood pumping.
This is great! Yes there are times I become very lonely, but you’re so right. Writers are only a click away from friends and fans.
I tend to think that the loneliness itself offers importance things to an author: the time to reflect and the discomfort on which to reflect.
After ten years of homeschooling, they’re all in public school now and I finally get the solitude! Even so, I have to work on having balance in my life. Too much solitude and not enough are both very negative for me.
So I balance writing with theatre – mostly directing the last few years (it’s amazing the overlap between writing scenes and directing them). This ensures a lot of working social interaction, and is wonderful, but it’s not enough. I need my writing buddies too! Online contacts are nice, but the face-to-face empathy of another writer who GETS it instead of glazing over and changing the subject is priceless.
Other artistic activities – particularly those that get you out and about with others – are not only a great way to beat the lonely blues, they’re also fabulous for bringing new viewpoints and insights to your writing.
I’ve always been a person who appreciates solitude therefore I rarely feel lonely when I am writing. I do get frustrated when those around me can’t relate to what I’m doing and seem to think I’m wasting my time or not involved in life. They want to talk about what’s on TV or complain about what’s wrong around them and aren’t interested in talking about literature, fine films, or philosophy. And I’m not talking about anything that deep either, just something a little deeper than trivialities and negativity.
Thank goodness for the blog world where I can find those with similar interests. If I ever come in contact with face to face encounters with these types of people that will be fine, but for now I appreciate my times of solitude and try not to succumb to the negativity of feeling lonely.
Lee
Tossing It Out
Much of the loneliness of the writing life isn’t so much physical loneliness (there are few of us who don’t have daily contact with at least one or two people), so much as it is a spiritual loneliness from the lack of “kindred spirits.”
I’ve trained myself to be able to write with others around. Occasionally, I need some solitude–just me, the laptop, some good music, and something to sip between scenes or paragraphs. But, I can still–sometimes–hold a conversation when I’m doing a first or second draft.
I do make sure I have outside activities that force me away from the computer–hiking and politics are biggies–but for the most part, I just multi-task. 🙂
They say women are supposed to be able to do two things at once (namely, talk and do something else that requires thought – such as read), but, personally, I’ve never been able to master it. :p Still, I’m a big fan of multi-tasking.
“Take a sigh of relief, because you, in all your magnificent weirdness, are in very good company.”
What a great quote! I’ve always claimed that being normal was overrated.
Thanks for the post. It really hits home for me.
Definitely. Normal doesn’t make waves, doesn’t make the news, and doesn’t often make a different. We’re all weird in our own way, and we need to embrace that weirdness instead of being embarrassed by it.
Such a great post. I needed to read this 😉
I’m following.
ecwrites.blogspot.com
Glad you joined us, Elisabeth! Thanks for the comment.
Two words: Six kids! No loneliness allowed. Now, solitude, there’s something I may be a bit unfamiliar with.
You’re amazing! I can’t imagine being able to write with that many claims upon my time. You go!
I’m gonna go ahead and transfer the solitude you’re addressing to the work I do in animation, because what you describe sounds very familiar.
I have to say that I never feel lonely when I’m working on my own projects. It’s when I must work alone on other peoples’ projects for extended periods that I begin to feel it. The solution for me is to focus on my own work. My family are very supportive of what I do and give me time and space when and where I need it…as much as three growing kids can!
Wonderful space you have here. Glad I stopped by, I’ll visit again =]
I think the pitfalls of solitude are something that visit artists in every medium. It’s not so much a writer’s downfall as a it is a creative downfall. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
I’ve spent the last three months connecting with local writers in person and online to form a writer’s group. Seven of us met for the first time last night, and we’re all gung-ho, to not just offer feedback on writing but to be there for each other and to provide an opportunity to discuss our dreams and ambitions in a trusting environment. And to give us an opportunity to get out of the house!
It’s a win-win situation! I’m so glad you were able to find local authors with whom to connect. I’m sure you’ll all benefit from each other’s support over the years.
I am lucky enough to be retired now and my children are grown and married. My husband and I are both writers and he is also an illustrator. I am never lonely because we sit in our studio at home and are sharing ideas even when we are working on independent projects. Our problem is finding enough hours in the day to get routine chores done. We are self-published and marketing takes a TREMENDOUS amount of time. There are only so many hours in one day! You can’t do it all, so we collaborate and pick and choose what is most important.
I hear ya on there needing to be a few more hours in the day. It’s fantastic that you’re able to collaborate so closely with someone who shares your vision and can help with your work load.
As the quote of Mighty me goes; writing is a part of your life that bring depth and richness in it. But it is not life, balance both of them, and you succeed. Imbalance them, and you my friend, is doomed to fail in at least one of these two domains. 🙁
Good quote!
Thanks…. 😀