how to write emotion header

How to Write Emotion: An Experimental Study

how to write emotionNot too many years ago, I thought an accurately portrayed scene naturally caused readers to experience the emotions that the characters would logically feel in such situations. Not true!

As Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi explain in The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression, we must take our innate skills of observation and transfer them to the page, by both verbal (dialogue) and nonverbal means (physical signals, mental responses, and internal sensations).

Award-winning author and writing coach C. S. Lakin later warned me of the failure to explicitly convey emotion:

You don’t want your protagonist to seem like an unfeeling robot. Readers will hate him if you do.

To avoid this, she suggested I buy a paperback thriller and highlight every explicit emotional sentence until I learned how emotion occupies nearly every page. I decided to make a bigger project out of it.

The Emotional Deep Dive: A By-the-Numbers Experiment

Angels and Demons Dan BrownOn the 477 pages of my favorite thriller, Dan Brown’s Angels & Demons, I highlighted all 1,988 (by my count) sentences with explicit emotional content. That’s an average of over four per page! For each, I populated three spreadsheet columns:

1. The page number.

2. The emotion (from the seventy-five listed in The Emotion Thesaurus).

3. The sentence itself.

As much as I learned from doing this, the real lessons took place when I began sorting the entries in different ways.

Discovering the Emotional Story

Leaving the spreadsheet sorted by page number, I found I could follow the story by emotional content alone.

Plotting the number of emotional sentences per page showed the nice emotional pacing you’d expect from a bestselling author, with peaks near the plot points and pinch points.

Kristen Kieffer writes about such cadence in her post “How to Create Strong Pacing For Your Story“:

After dealing with the physical consequences of an instance of conflict, your character should address—or possibly repress—the emotional ramifications of the conflict, which can range from joy at a victory to intense grief, fear, or anxiety surrounding a loss.

And what was seen near the ninety-five percent mark around page 452? You guessed it—the maximum emotional sentences per page density of the novel’s climax.

Identifying the Emotion “Buckets”

The Emotion Thesaurus Cover SMALL WEBSorting the 1,988 rows by emotion (as listed in The Emotion Thesaurus) produced tightly grouped examples of how a master writer portrays each emotion.

Since the emotional labels themselves are subjective—the dividing lines between anger and rage or surprise and astonishment will differ for each reader–your and my emotional labels won’t always match.

Some unique scenes can evoke opposite reactions from different readers. After a short story reading during one of my writer’s group meetings, a Stephen King-inspired author had each of us feeling vastly differing emotions:

1. Amazement, at how such a scene could unfold.

2. Disgust, for the setting described.

3. Happiness, for the darkly humorous sequence of events.

The character’s emotions, however, should always be clear and truthful. As Martha Alderson points out in her post “Connecting with Audiences Through Character Emotions“:

Thoughts can lie. Dialogue can lie, too. However, emotions are universal, relatable and humanizing. Emotions always tell the truth.

Portraying Emotion

Sorting the entries by sentence provided perhaps the most interesting learning experience. It showed how much repetitive emotional content is directly told instead of shown (e.g., “Langdon was amazed” on pages 21 and 22).

In his 2017 post “How to Produce an Emotional Response in Readers,” Donald Maass calls this the “inner mode, the telling of emotions.”

It also works with repetitive actions (e.g., “The camerlengo smiled” on pages 304 and 305), what Maass calls the “outer mode, the showing of emotions.”

So why don’t these repetitions immediately distract readers from the story, as repetitive setting descriptions surely would? I believe that, similarly to why dialogue tags being more perceived than read, emotional content is more felt than read.

Sorting the emotional content this way also displayed identical snippets of dialogue that evoked drastically different emotions, due to their context. Two such sentences seem to convey annoyance and pride, respectively:

1. “Correct,” Kohler said, his voice edgy. (Page 59)

2. “Correct,” Langdon said, allowing himself a rare moment of pride in his work. (Page 165)

You've Got a Book in You Elizabeth SimsAs just one example, Elizabeth Sims, in her 2013 guide You’ve Got a Book in You, demonstrates how the word “Oh” is endlessly flexible:

1. “Oh,” he grunted.

2. “Oh!” Cassie couldn’t believe her luck. “Oh!”

3. All at once he understood. “Ohh.”

***

Despite the time this experiment took to complete, I recommend writers repeat this project with a copy of their own favorite novel. You may never see written emotional content the same way again!

Wordplayers, tell me your opinion! On what novel would you like to try this experiment? Do you think it would help you learn how to write emotion? Tell me in the comments!

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About Matt Gianni | @M_Gianni_Author

Matt Gianni is the author of Lever Templar, the first in his Castellum One series of dual timeline historical fiction/contemporary thriller novels. When not writing, he enjoys salsa dancing on Seattle's east side. Besides his website, you can connect with him on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.

Comments

  1. Maybe I can do this with Nancy Drew or a sci-fi book.

  2. Thanks so much for sharing with us today, Matt!

  3. Eric Troyer says:

    Thanks for sharing the results of your project. That’s pretty darned interesting. I particularly liked this insight: “I believe that, similarly to why dialogue tags being more perceived than read, emotional content is more felt than read.”

    • authormattgianni says:

      Hi Eric, Yes, I would not have realized that without highlighting sentences like “Langdon was amazed” on adjacent pages, then flipping back and asking myself “Hey – how’s he getting away with this? . . .”

  4. Rayka Mennen says:

    Thanks, Matt. I generally know all this as a writer, but every now and then, someone puts it across in way that totally connects the dots. And you did just that. I would love to try this with one of Nalini Singh’s paranormal romance books.

    • authormattgianni says:

      Thanks Rayka – very nice of you to say. I come from an unemotional non-fiction technical writing background, so writing emotional content is something I really had to work at. And I’m still working on it . . .

      • Me too. Quite a struggle . Thanks for this exercise! I may try it on chapters from books in different genres.

        • authormattgianni says:

          Thanks, Tracie. Some have suggested the romance genre rather than thriller – I’m sure that would be a target-rich environment also!

  5. I hate replies that say “I really needed to hear/read/etc this” because they usually are spam comments with a link to a gambling site or whatever. But … I really needed to read this today. I just read book one in a widely popular thriller series that included several movie and series adaptations. Everything we fledgling writers are told not to do was done. (Side note, I read books 8 & 9 before 1.)

    I have long felt that, for much of the population, emotional keywords summon the feeling. As with object-oriented programming languages, the word opens up the reader’s own content library. Like men hearing the word “erection.” 😀 Sproing!

  6. What a great learning project! I”d like to try it with one of Susan Wiggs’ women’s fiction.

    • authormattgianni says:

      Thanks, Jen. Yes, I had a lot to learn about writing emotional content (and still do!). This project really helped open my eyes.

  7. Such a great post, thanks. I’m planning to do this with a romance novel, since that is what I’m trying to write. Romance is really emotion driven, so it should be a revealing experiment.

    • authormattgianni says:

      Thanks, Sally. Romance isn’t my genre, but I’d imagine it would work just as well as thrillers (and maybe better!) for such a project.

  8. I’d like to try this experiment with Eudora Welty’s The Optimist’s Daughter. The novel is all about emotion without it being a soap opera. How did Welty pull that off? Plus it’s a short book.:-)

    • authormattgianni says:

      Thanks for the comment, Priscilla. There were times during this project when I wished Angels & Demons was a shorter book . . .

  9. Lisa C Herron says:

    The insight on the repetitive emotions is especially interesting. In my manuscript, I’ve been wondering if I’ve said that people smile far too often. Since it’s one of those frequent emotional indicators (and can mean different things) maybe it’s not so bad. I hope (cringing in insecurity, not smiling).

    • authormattgianni says:

      Thanks, Lisa. “Smiling” is pretty general so I would think you could probably get away with it quite often. But I got dinged by my editor by expressing nervousness with “Sweat pebbled his forehead” twice. Even though the two were separated by hundreds of pages, there was something about “pebbled” that took her out of the story enough to tell me “Hey, you used that before.”

  10. Writing emotions is so difficult. I’m going to pick a book and follow Matt’s suggestions although I do have a problem making marks in books, I’m already doing that to some extent. Thank you.

    • authormattgianni says:

      Hi Mary, I’m the same way usually, but just decided to by a trade paperback copy that I knew I wasn’t going to do anything else with but this project.

  11. Febe Meyer says:

    Another layer of complexity added to writing a novel. “Oh,” she sighed.

    Thanks for a great idea!

  12. Diane Werckle says:

    So, if I understand this correctly, you’re saying an emotional tell can work when done correctly? Wow, this makes the task of working emotions into our writing so much easier. I am definitely going to take my favorite book and analyze it. Thank you!

    • authormattgianni says:

      Hi Diane, I would not have thought so before seeing the exact three words “Langdon was amazed” repeated on pages 21 and 22. I would not have even noticed if I wasn’t highlighting emotional content. Emotional showing might still be preferable, but I think we can get away with repetitive emotional tells more than other repetition, like repeated setting descriptions that could really turn off readers.

  13. Thanks for the post, Matt. I particularly liked the note about emotions being felt more than read. Also, what an inspired experiment! I’m keen to get started. 🙂

  14. Casandra Merrritt says:

    Certainly going to do this with one of my favorite books. Speaking of analyzing, when looking for problems in a story,(according to Dramatica), how can you tell if, say, the overall story problem is manipulation?

    • authormattgianni says:

      Hi Casandra, Are you familiar with K.M. Weiland’s Story Structure Database? I think a lot can be learned about overall story structure there. I also found her “Structuring Your Novel” book very useful as well as the graphic by Matt Gemmell.

  15. James Ross says:

    Ah, ha! I’ve been making MRUs and having nothing to put in most of the emotion part of the MRU, and vaguely tempted to post around the internet begging for a clue.

    Well, this mostly because of avoiding telling…

    And now, all I have to do is find a book that I can do this with. Well, that and organize myself enough to do it. But, one problem at a time!

    • authormattgianni says:

      Hi James, Yes it does take a lot of time. Priscilla Bettis left a comment about using a shorter book or novella – that sounded like a good idea!

  16. I’m a slacker. I’m going to try doing this using a few chapters out of a Dan Brown novel and a Fiona McIntosh novel. I’ll make sure I include a highly emotive chapter and a non-emotional chapter.

  17. Sara Bates says:

    This was a really awesome post. Thank you so much. I’m currently working on my first draft of a YA contemporary, and my book coach recommended I read Story Genius because I wasn’t writing enough of the emotional story in my pages. I added more emotion to my pages but I feel like I’m being *dramatic* by emoting so much (although I’m sure some people would suggest there can never be too much emoting in a YA novel!) Anyway, pointing out nearly four emotional sentences per page is astounding, especially in light of how much you said telling emotion. I think that might have been why I’m feeling too dramatic. There was too much showing the emotion, which feels hyperbolic to me. I’m going to try telling more and see how that reads.

    • Sara Bates says:

      Also, I think I’m going to try your exercise with a few John Green favorites or Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell.

    • authormattgianni says:

      Thanks so much, Sara. I learned a lot from it. But fair warning: it takes a lot of time.

  18. Richard Jones says:

    Matt! This is not your grandfather’s deep dive. A deep dive would be a few lectures from your psychology professor and a follow-on homework assignment. What you have here is more along the lines of a Captain Nemo exploratory venture through the Marianas Trench.

    I can’t wait to give it a try. If you don’t hear from me in about a month, notify the DSRV (Deep Sea Rescue Vehicle) Service of my last known location. 🙂

    • authormattgianni says:

      Hi Richard, I’m glad you’re going to try it. You’re right – it did take a lot of time, but it was so educational.

  19. I have thought putting adverbs in to an action was the best way to communicate emotion but his has made me realize there’s more to it.

    • authormattgianni says:

      Hmm . . . I never thought about categorizing by sentence type (direct, indirect, verbal, facial, body language, internal, etc.) – that would’ve made an interesting extension to this project.

  20. Hi Matt, What a great idea. This is synchronicity because I’m at that point in my current wip with editing and wondering how far to go with emotion. I think I’ll try it with one of my favorite Nora Robert’s books or perhaps Louise Penny’s Beautiful Mystery because that particular story has stuck with me a long time. Thank you!

  21. I feel like I should try this with one of the LOTR books…

  22. Thanks for the informative post, Matt. It made me cry. What? No. It made me laugh. Did I say that? I’m kidding. I enjoyed the post very much.

  23. Sharon Lippincott says:

    Thank you for this amazing assignment. I’m going to try this exercise with an ebook version to make it easy to transfer highlighted sentences to a database. I have not done this for a while, but there’s a way to export all highlights from a Kindle book, perhaps via the Amazon website. Pocketbook reader, an Android app, lets you export also. Much, much easier than retyping!

    • authormattgianni says:

      Great point, Sharon – I probably should have put that suggestion in the post. I was originally going to do this for less than half of the book, so when I decided to make the big project out of it using the whole book, I already had ~200 pages of the trade paperback highlighted. So I just slogged on.

  24. JAPartridge says:

    I’m curious to know if you found some sentences with strong emotional content but which didn’t use any of the key emotion words from the dictionary. Sometimes the most powerful stuff has to be approached sideways. Were you able to find such context based emotions?

    • authormattgianni says:

      Hi J.A., Yes – in fact the vast majority were showing instead of telling. Like “The Aussie’s eyes went wide” for surprise, and “Langdon pounded his fist on the banister” for frustration. I also noticed Dan Brown uses a lot of POV character internal thoughts, italicized and ending with an explanation point, to convey internal emotion.

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