In the time it takes you to write two small words, you might be dramatically distancing your readers from your story’s narrative. Scared? You should be. But don’t be that scared, because this one of our most common writing mistakes is just as easy to fix as it is to commit. And what are those two small but egregious words? Your character’s title (in place of his name).
One of these sinful words is almost always “the” (although a possessive pronoun can do the trick as well). The other is a descriptive noun that tells readers something about a character: his gender, his status, his job, his relationship to another character. For example, you might be referencing characters in your story as any of the following:
- The doctor.
- The pilot.
- His mother.
- Her boss.
- His fiance.
- The secret agent.
- The man.
- The lady.
Wrinkling your nose in disagreement, are you? After all, what’s so wrong with any of those? They’re just simple descriptions that are completely true. How could they possibly be pulling your readers out of the narrative? Good questions–and the answer is: you’re right–there’s nothing wrong with any of these in themselves. The problem is only in their actual usage in the narrative. Take a look.
How to Use Titles to Pull Your Readers Out of the Narrative
Consider the following deep third-person point of view. Our narrator is a spunky astronaut on the brink of being grounded from her first mission thanks to a head cold:
Sienna stared at Dr. Jeraldo Martinez. He had been her personal physician ever since she came on board the launch team. He knew how much this mission meant to her. Surely, he could fudge the reports on a measly head cold to get her headed back to the moon.
“You can’t be serious!” she said.
The doctor exchanged a pained glance with Mike–who’d asked Sienna to marry him last night.
Her fiancé intervened. “Now, sweetpea, you can’t blame Jeraldo for this.”
The astronaut slid off the examining table. “Just watch me!” She stormed out of the room. She’d talk to her boss about this, just see if she wouldn’t!
Now, granted, the example is a little hampered by the fact that this is the first time you’re meeting Sienna and her gang, so you presumably need a little descriptive guidance to know she’s an astronaut, Jeraldo is a doctor, and Mike is her fiancé. But this scene is taking place in the middle of the story. Readers have already been introduced to all these characters and their relationships to Sienna. They know these characters’ roles. Even more importantly, Sienna definitely knows their roles.
The trouble with referring to characters by their titles, rather than their names, is that it kills the realism of a deep POV. How many of us mentally refer to people (especially people with whom we’re familiar) as “the doctor” or “my fiance”? Subtle as it is, this is a tiny but instant pin in the balloon of your readers’ suspension of disbelief.
How to Use Character Names to Keep Readers Immersed in the Narrative
Fixing this one of our most common writing mistakes is simple. All you have to do is switch out the titles for names and pronouns.
Sienna stared at Dr. Martinez. He had been her personal physician ever since she came on board the launch team. He knew how much this mission meant to her. Surely, he could fudge the reports on a measly head cold to get her headed back to the moon.
“You can’t be serious!” she said.
He exchanged a pained glance with Mike–who’d asked Sienna to marry him last night.
Mike intervened. “Now, sweetpea, you can’t blame Jeraldo for this.”
She slid off the examining table. “Just watch me!” She stormed out of the room. She’d talk to Capt. Wilkes about this, just see if she wouldn’t!
The effect is an admittedly simple one. But never discount the importance of intimacy with your readers in your narrative choices. The deeper your POV, the more important these subtleties become.
3 Reasons Authors Sometimes Slip Into This Writing Mistake–and Why They Don’t Matter
Today’s most common writing mistake is, admittedly, a bit of a pet peeve for me (just ask anyone I’ve ever edited for!). But it’s one even I find myself committing in my own writing. What are some reasons we might end up falling into this trap?
1. We’re Quite Tickled by the Character’s Title/Role
This is undoubtedly the worst reason we can choose for committing this writing mistake. Admittedly, it’s pretty awesome to be writing about an astronaut or a pilot or a secret agent or a cowboy. Sometimes we just want to swish the sound of those lovely roles over our tongues and enjoy the satisfaction of it all. But readers don’t enjoy it nearly as much as we do. They don’t need to be reminded at every turn that they’re reading about a secret agent. Even if they don’t notice and feel patronized, the small amount of enjoyment we get out of it still isn’t worth endangering narrative intimacy even slightly.
2. We’re Worried Readers Might Forget a Character’s Role or Relationship
When Dr. Martinez is introduced in Chapter 1 and then fails to reappear until Chapter 32, we might be legitimately concerned that readers will have forgotten all about him and his medical practice. But aside from the fact that, in his particular case, his own name–Dr. Martinez–offers reminder enough, there are always going to be subtler and simpler solutions than constantly referring to him as “the doctor.”
A final comment on this: Nothing wrong with providing readers a needed reminder. But readers often need to be reminded far less often than we think they do. Give them credit for being just as aware of your story details as you are. If you end up erring on the side of not enough info, your beta readers will always let you know.
3. We Feel the Need for Variation in Our Sentence Subjects
Variety in our narrative is important. Sometimes we might worry that using a character’s name or even a pronoun over and over again will grow repetitious in readers’ minds. But, frankly, this is not a concern. Character names and pronouns are invisible to readers. They’ll never fault you for overusing them. If you’re struggling with monotonous sentences, the problem is not that you’re using Sienna’s name in every sentence. The problem is that you’re not varying your sentence structures. For example:
Don’t Do This:
Sienna got out of bed and made coffee. She read the newspaper while she drank her coffee. She took a shower and got dressed for training.
Or This:
Sienna got out of bed and made coffee. She read the newspaper while she drank her coffee. The astronaut took a shower and got dressed for training.
Do This Instead:
The first rays of sunlight woke Sienna, and she rolled out of bed. A cup of Folgers was already calling her name. While she drank off the whole pot, she looked over the paper for any news of the launch. Not a word. Probably just as well. She tossed the paper across the table and headed to the bathroom to shower and dress for today’s bout of training.
Most of us overuse character titles and roles to the point that this can be an easy mistake shrug off. Don’t do that. Take the extra time to tighten up your narrative by removing this unncessary obstacle between your readers and their intimacy with your story. The result will always be a subtly polished manuscript that welcomes readers into its world.
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Tell me your opinion: Have you committed this one of our most common writing mistakes in your narrative?
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What you’re also saying between the lines, Katie, is: Don’t be afraid to put more ink on the page! Your ‘good’ version is more than five lines long, compared to the original two.
Yep, in general showing will always take up more room than telling.
Hey, K. M.
Odd how it always seems like your advice relates to my manuscript. (I’m sure many of your readers feel the same way.)
Cristian Wright, the lead character in my novel, is a physician and he is mentoring a medical student named Laxman Chopra. From my experience as a physician, I know that it’s common practice for each to call the other “Dr. (last name)” in a professional setting, especially when they’re in the company of other staff and patients.
Here’s my problem: I want to create a deepening intimacy between these two characters as they become friends. The story is written in first person from the perspective of Dr. Wright. He thinks of Dr. Chopra as “Laxaman” and, in a non-medical setting, he refers to him sometimes as “Laxman” and sometimes as “Dr. Chopra”. (Laxman always calls Cristian by his title, Dr. Wright.) Should I completely stop Dr. Wright from thinking and calling his medical student by his first name? It would just seem too formal for him to always think of Laxaman as “Dr. Chopra” and refer to him as “Dr. Chopra” all of the time?
Any additional advice would be greatly appreciated.
Since “Dr. Chopra” is actually the character’s name and not his title (as in, “the doctor”), you’re not making the mistake talked about this article at all. It’s also fine for the characters to call each other by variations of their names in dialogue (as long as it makes sense to the context). However you will want to be sure to maintain consistency in references in each character’s individual narrative, as per this post: https://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/dont-confuse-readers-with-inconsistent/
I wonder if how the narrative changes might help show the change. For instance, in the beginning the address is Dr. — but then later, as feelings change, perhaps they start to use the first name?
Our relationships often reflect this. Our internal monologue can change for Mrs. Smith to Joe’s mom to Sara as we get to know her and our feelings begin to change.
Just an idea.
Thanks, S. A. That’s an excellent suggestion! Using the first name more frequently as the story evolves is a subtle way to demonstrate how the character’s fondness and familiarity with the other character is increasing.
This is something I see quite often in press releases, too. Folks will say, “Cherry Drink Co. just released a new drink. Cherry Drink Co. will be debuting their new drink on September 5th. Cherry Drink Co.’s new drink contains no cherries.”
The advice you have here is useful outside of fiction, too. Thanks!
No cherries! This is a travesty. 😀
I think I did this once in my first book. In the final quarter of the story, one of the main characters goes to England and while visiting a British friend’s home, I refer to him as ‘the American’ when the friend introduces him to other friends. Should I not have done this?
Every rule is made to be broken, but I would definitely recommend against using a title while *in* the referenced character’s POV. That’s likely to create the most jarring instance of all.
Indeed, Jose Saramago breaks this rule in most of his books. In Blindness every character was refered by its title and not its name. But somehow as I was reading it, I felt it was apropriate, almost as if their names were completely redundant.
I’m committing this very error, deliberately. I’m writing in a time and place of greater formality (16th C. England) in which addressing people by Doctor This or Master That was expected with everyone except close intimates. I imagine that the characters would even THINK of each other in these terms, and any deviations would suggest an unseemly familiarity.
Is this an acceptable reason to keep using titles?
As I mentioned in a comment below, the basis for this as a mistake is that it sounds “off.” If it sounds good and makes sense, by all means keep it.
How did you know I was struggling with this? The scenario is that three men hold up a stagecoach. One of them will play a significant role in the mystery and it’s important that Ana not recognize him in the near future. So I’m hesitant to use names that would be too obvious.
Besides what self-respecting robber reveals names?
Right now I’m using something like “the dandy” but I suspect that gets tedious for the reader. Any thoughts?
If there’s an obvious reason for the narrator not to the know the character’s name, then this isn’t a mistake at all. That said, I often find it flows better to have the narrator give the other character a nickname for the duration of the scene: for example, she just calls him “Dandy” instead of “the dandy.”
Okay, followup question. In the case of the narrator not knowing the other character’s name and giving him/her a nickname, can I switch up the nickname with synonyms? For example, my WIP starts out with a kidnapping and one of the kidnappers is all muscle and no brains. Callie thinks of him as “the giant,” then “the brute” and finally, “the neanderthal.” Should I streamline it and turn all those into one nickname, or keep it as-is? There’s no one else she could be referring to, but is it too confusing to keep changing the nickname until she learns his real name?
It’s a little hard to say, but my instinct is definitely to streamline it. Otherwise, you might run the risk of sounding to readers as if you’re just rattling off synonyms for the sake of variety. I would choose one term (maybe two at most) and stick to that.
Not only that, but we readers wonder just how many big guys there are.
Ouch! Guilty as charged! I found this in one of my efforts recently and got told off for it. It sounds really unnatural, the wrong tone.
Yes, ultimately, that’s the big problem: it just doesn’t sound right.
You caught my attention with this. I have a scene in which I’ve switched around between a doctor’s title and his first and last names, all in the cause of non-repetition or having to refer to him as “the man” or some such. The POV in the scene is fairly deep, but they’ve just been introduced, so I tend to think of the patient (the MC) thinking of ‘the doctor.’ I just looked at it again and it doesn’t seem so bad, and of course, I’m not the least bit biased, ha ha.
Maybe off topic, but doctors seem to get some of the worst lines (“He’s dead, Jim.”).
This is *not* a hard and fast rule, so if you feel it’s working for your scene, don’t hesitate to keep it, especially if there’s a logical reason for the character to use the title instead of the name.
I do agree with you, for the most part. There are times though when the title should be used rather than the name even when the reader does know the name. For example, in my books, my lead protagonist is a county Sheriff and she’s addressed as such frequently by people who would typically address her formally or refer to her formally when she’s not in their presence. In a case where that familiarity does not exists, it would seem awkward to have her referred to by her given name rather than her professional title. There are exceptions to every rule.
Definitely. This “rule” is all about creating a seamless narrative. If the narrative is more seamless and sensible *with* the title, instead of the name, then that’s always going to be the right choice.
Great article Katie, it couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’ve been struggling with the overuse of my characters name and he/she usage. Your article has cleared a lot up. Awesome work.
Pronouns are your friends! They’re not just invisible, they’re an easy way to suck readers even deeper into the narrative. As long as the antecedent is clear, they’ll never do you wrong.
This can’t be overstated, the potential importance that just a few words can have..
Similar to Marissa, where actually what I spoke of was topic-related, but not actually the topic, I’ll do now the same.
One word, two words, three words, but not any more, and you can have enough to either yank your reader in, or forcefully to shove them away..
In the real world, this is always a principle that’s worth keeping in mind: you want another human being to gravitate to you, to be inspired to suspend their normal biases, and instincts, and to pay heed to you.. just remember, the disparity between reality and the mind is “beyond gigantic”, meaning that for all the heaps and heaps of ideas that run through your head, just second to second, your actual communication’s barely representing any of it:
Just one word, two words, three words however, and then you’ll be surprised just how much of a reduction will have been exerted on this gap.
This really is the crux of writing well, isn’t it? It’s all about finding exactly the right words to evoke while avoiding all the wrong ones that might unintentionally distance readers from our narrative.
And this is a conundrum. If a story’s meant to be “our” story, then what limit are we meant to impose on ourselves when it comes to choosing some words over others.
In any case, for me all efforts of semantics are just now for real people.. I’m driven to use the whole of my life’s remainder being reality’s opposite: making continual progress, via skilful communication with other people.
I have used the title – minor characters that usually only appear in a single scene, for example: taxi driver, waitress.
If the narrator doesn’t know the character’s name, then there’s no reason not to use the title. As always, common sense is the primary factor here.
Great suggestions; For #3, I see the first two astronaut examples as what might come out in a first draft, and the final (correct) example as what we should strive for in editing.
And as for #2, as a reader I get quite frustrated when an author continues to beat me over the head with repeated information. If you say something once, I’m pretty likely to catch on/remember. If I see it a second time, I realize that it’s likely an important piece of information. But throw it at me a third time (or worse—MORE!), I will start getting offended.
Yes! The last thing any of us can afford to do is offend readers by patronizing them.
In an effort to use short sentences as some “experts” say I should do, my writing was starting to look like your first example where every sentence about Sienna was staccato. It’s a bit like the way kids write.. I got up. Then I had breakfast. Then I cleaned my teeth.
In the last 12-18 months, I’ve discovered POV, showing V telling and lots of other essentials. My Muse doesn’t roll her eyes and sigh nearly as much these days – thanks, Katie 🙂
Well, we sure don’t want a rolling or sighing muse. 😉
I have a mother and daughter plotline where they work together. Saying her mom this and her mom that drove me crazy, so I dropped the “her.” But in other places when there’s another character in the room, it feels weird switching from Mom when she’s talking to her daughter and Marlene when she’s answering someone else. Got any suggestions?
If you’re calling the mother character “Marlene” in her own narrative and “Mom” in the daughter’s narrative, the apparent inconsistency shouldn’t be a problem – because it really isn’t inconsistent. Just make sure you’re maintaining consistency within *each* narrative.
“The Dragon crouched, puckered his lips, and slurped from the creek. I stifled a laugh.”
After reading your post, I returned to working on my big project. It occurred to me that in the narrative, I always refer to the Dragon as “the Dragon.” After all, he is the Dragon. He does have a name, three to be precise: a given name, the pet name the protagonist calls him, and the name the other people call him, which means monster in their language. Those names are used in dialogue. However, in the narrative, he is always the Dragon.
The fact that you’re capitalizing “the Dragon” indicates to me it’s more of a formal title than a casual one. As such, I don’t think it should be problematic at all. Consistency is also key. If you’re always calling him “the Dragon,” instead of just randomly sticking interchanging the title with his names, then readers won’t find it jarring.
The bad examples you have shown just come across as lazy. I can perhaps see it being okay in the first scene where said character is introduced, long before any intimacy is formed… but half way through a book, where this character’s role has already been established, re-stating it is certainly very out of place.
This is something we used to see a lot of in pulp action stories and the like from decades past. It still crops up now and again, but thankfully as authors become more aware of tightening their narratives, it has started to slide out of use.
Thank you for this post, Katie, because it brings up a problem I’m having with my WIP.
Okay, so you’re in a character’s POV (third-person deep), and there’s an extended scene with his mother. He thinks of his mother, whose name is Frankie, as “Ma,” of course. He doesn’t use her name. But to use “Ma said,” and “Ma moved to the stove,” and repeated instances of “Ma” sound awkward to me. I’ve tried every way I can think of to not use it, but it’s inevitable in some circumstances.
I tried writing it as “Frankie said,” and “Frankie moved to the stove,” and several of the people in my writers’ group jumped all over me saying, “Oh, no, you can’t use her name because your character would never think of her that way. Which I agree with, but at the same time, it feels more natural to me to use her given name (even though I know it’s probably wrong to do it). Yet now I see that using “his mother” once in a while will distance my readers from the story.
How do I solve this problem? My hero’s mother and my heroine’s grandmother are a HUGE part of the story. Can I use their given names, even occasionally, or am I limited to “Ma” and “Gran” (unless I’m in the opposite person’s POV)?
Such a small thing, but so frustrating!
Hah. I had totally forgotten instances like this. This is the one major exception I personally make to this “rule.” Like you, I usually find it incredibly awkward to have a third-person narrator refer to a parent as “Mom” or “Dad.” Sometimes it works if the voice is just right, but usually it just grates on me. My solution is to refer to them as “his dad” or “his mom” whenever I can get away with it.
Oh, I feel better! Thanks for clearing that up for me. I promise faithfully I’ll use “his/her mom/dad/grandma” as little as possible. 🙂
Scout’s honor? 😛
Thanks for this. You answered my question , too!
This reminds me of works I have beta’d recently (well one in particular) where, in one person’s point of view, each character was called three different things – their name, their title, a description. So for example: Mark, the Helmsman, the cyborg. Reading through the first time, I wondered how the hell many people were at the controls driving the space ship! I was so surprised when the author told me it was all the same person. I can see each POV calling them by a different name, MAYBE (still confusing), but for one POV to call him all those things. And the writer said it sounded so repetitive to keep using his name. But we finally decided, like you said Kate, that the name would be invisible, and sentences could be rewritten not to use it so much, and we would be clear on how many guys this one guy really was.
Yep, that’s another pet peeve of mine as well. It’s especially annoying when the character is the narrator.
Ack! *the writer slinks away in shame while whispering “first draft”*
Hah. Nothing is a sin in the first draft. 😀
Thank you so much for writing this! I’ve been struggling with this for forever and now I have a better understanding of how to handle it. Thank you!
Glad the post was helpful! 🙂
I haven’t had the time to scroll through all the comments here, so forgive me if this has already been addressed. What about an instance where a character is in a position of dominance over the rest of the characters in a particular situation, the title is the symbol of that and how he is referred until a bit later in the book when information about his identity comes to light?
As in “the Captain” or the “the Captor”? If you’re capitalizing the title as substitute name, it largely eliminates this problem. Consistency is also key. If that’s the only way you’re referring to this character at this point in the story, then it won’t ever jar.
The Captain it is! Thanks for clarifying that for me, had been dithering over it for a while. 🙂
Glad to help!
Sort of like using the word “god” when a character is a god, rather than the god’s name. When I read fantasy novels about a character named “god,” I’ve no idea which ones are meant.
These kinds of posts make me a lot happier person. It makes me feel the mistakes I have made in my writing, and makes me do a bout of editing in my next writing session.
And maybe you pro writers has forgotten the feeling, but just having something to edit is a great feeling.
Off I go to have a look in my current manuscript.
Hah! That just made me incredibly happy. Any writer who can say that is a writer who is fully embracing the lifestyle and the joys of writing. You go!
Em busy…. 😀
Ah, ahem, I am quite guilty of this. The story I’ve been writing features mostly scenes between two female characters, so to (stupidly) avoid the overuse of names I constantly referred to the (older) non-POV character as ‘the woman.’ I just want through it again and cleaned that up. The only instance where I left a title was where I wanted to strongly imply the contrast between the two, i.e. the thief and the crimefighter. But thanks for the advice! I discovered your blog only a few days ago, have been binge-reading it since, and it’s been really helpful so far!
Good for you! And it really is an easy fix, isn’t it? I bet even just that little tweak perked up your prose. So glad you’re enjoying the blog!
This post made me worry that I should edit my WIP in beta… Yay, one less thing for editors to yell at me for.
Now, I have a mother/daughter subplot where, as the daughter, Jocelyn, begins to forgive her mother (who is a POV character), I have lines like, “She dared to rest her arm over her daughter’s shoulders,” or something like that. So, is that too much? Will my readers hate me for saying “her daughter” when we’re in the mother’s POV? Should I change it to “her shoulders” or “Jocelyn’s shoulders?”
I kind of liked using “her daughter” at moments where I felt they connected as mother/daughter instead of their usual state of Jocelyn wanting nothing to do with her…
Also, kind of similar question: I have a scene where five people are deciding what they need to do next, and all have a voice. Pronouns got confusing real fast, but the constant name writing seemed too jarring. Also, I know if a character hasn’t spoken in a while, you’re supposed to write something like, Jocelyn said, “Why do you think that’ll work?” but to me, having the character’s name before their dialogue sounds jarring and I’ve noticed a lot of recent books have almost done away with this. Any thoughts?
I think the daughter reference works – especially if it’s only once or twice. The emphasis of the relationship seems important to the scene.
You’re right about the speaker tag being jarring previous to the dialogue. The solution is simply to stick it *after* the dialogue or at the first obvious break. E.g., “Why do you think that’ll work?” Jocelyn said. -or- “What do you think,” Jocelyn said, “of this new dress?”
Thanks so much! I was worried that it would confuse readers if someone else chimed in during a conversation, but I’m definitely just going to stick to that.
Great post! I am reading a book right now that has this issue. I think the author is afraid of pronouns, or he is trying to up his word count, or something. I’m 2/3 through the book and the main character is still often referred to as ‘the paranormal investigator’ or ‘the investigator’ instead of saying his name or using ‘he’. The investigator is in love with a psychologist, who was introduced in the first 100 pages, but is referred by her profession more than her name. During my reading yesterday, the paranormal investigator and the psychologist made love. Doesn’t that sound super romantic? Ugh. It makes the writing seem awkward and pulls me from the story.
Fear of pronouns is shame, because pronouns are powerful things. They offer a subtle, even invisible way for the character to interact as intimately as possible with the readers.
Okay, apparently I’m alone in my opinions on this. But as a reader AND a writer, seeing a name used over and over again just makes me twitch violently. Give me a hair color sometime! Unless it’s a first-person perspective (in which case I fully agree because no one thinks of their friend as ‘the blond’) it just annoys me to bits if I read their name over and over again. (Especially in a several-character situation when other descriptors are possible.) But maybe I’m the only one that thinks this?
Which is why pronouns are so awesome. There’s no reason to use a character’s name over and over, except when it’s necessary for clarity. Otherwise, pronouns should be our go-to, since they’re more invisible and better at creating a deeper sense of intimacy between the reader and the narrative.
I have a minor issue with this, and it’s to do with pronouns. What if you have multiple characters of the same gender? Won’t that confuse the reader? As in…I tend to write about a lot of women and girls, and I tend to read a lot of things with female characters, and in first drafts, it’s harder to figure out which “she” is doing what things where without using titles or names over and over. And kind of like CC, seeing character names over and over bothers me because it gives me the impression that the author thinks that the reader has forgotten what the character’s names are.
Obviously, clarity has to carry the day. Whenever we’re using a pronoun, the antecedent must always be clear. But I really wouldn’t worry too much about overusing a character’s name. At the end of the day, that name is going to be much more invisible than if you try to mix things up with untoward variation.
In my WIP, the setting is a foreign land and names can be a bit unfamiliar to the general reader. In this area (Nepal) there is a leader of the village called the Mukhiya and there are 2 characters in my book that are Mukhiyas. To keep the reader from getting confused I call one of them I call by his name, and the other by ‘old man’, (who currently doesn’t have a name). This man gives guidance to the main character and is seen as a mentor. When my main character calls him by name, he says, “Mukhiya” as a term of respect but when the narrator uses his name, he (or me, haha) says “old man”.
Is this confusing?? haha.
Should I capitalize Old Man or give him a name? I was hoping to convey a sense of feeling by using this term, but after reading this, I’m doubting this decision.
Just to clarify, a Mukhiya in more familiar terms would be something like Governor.
Consistency is the key. If you’re *consistently* referring to a character by his title, then you’re not likely to have a problem. Whether or not you decide to capitalize that title depends on how greatly you want to identify that character with the title. If you capitalize “Old Man,” it becomes, in essence, the characters name.
Great. Thank you for your advice!! 😀
I’m so guilty of this one! I’ll have to look out for this one when I’m editing.
One thing that has me a bit confused is how to refer to a character’s parents. People almost always think of their parents as Mom or Dad, not first names. In my WIP, I’ve been referring to my main character’s parents usually as “her mother” or “her father,” but I feel like there has to be a better way to phrase that. I tried first names, but that just felt unnatural. What to do, what to do…
Great post!
I admit the “Mom” and “Dad” thing in a third-person narrative usually throws me too. I tend to use primarily “his dad” and stick in the father’s name where I have to. It’s not perfect but it works. My protagonists usually have daddy issues anyway, so the extra distance created by having their narrative refer to their parents by name usually works out better than it might otherwise.
Yet in your example of how to do it right, you’ve got “she” starting two sentences. The echo doesn’t work for me.
Give a shot to rewriting it. 🙂 I bet you can come up with something even better than still doesn’t resort to titles.
Sorry, a bit late to the party (But here to stay).
My issue with this is not so much with my named characters but in my first draft but protagonist and his buddy run into a lot of encounters with rogue soldiers, any tips on how to avoid refering to these nameless characters as “The soldier”, “The other soldier” or “The toothless soldier”. From a POV perspective the reader wouldn’t know these character’s names.
This isn’t a perfect solution, but it’s the one I use and see frequently in other books: Simply have the narrating character initially identify the unnamed character by a prominent physical feature (e.g., curly hair), then have the narrator nickname that character something that corresponds (e.g., “Curly”).
Hi,
I wonder if you can clarify how this would work with multiple characters, where I am referring to them as plural rather than singular, as in the following example:
“He had the look of someone both world-weary and world-wise at the same time. It was Martin, Jack and Sally’s father.”
I changed the last part to “It was Martin, Jack and Sally’s father.” based on your advice, but would the following also be fine here: “It was Martin, the kids’ father.”
Sometimes if feels strange using their names rather than a more generic label. Again, another example:
“The kids were asleep in bed” or “Jack and Sally were asleep in bed”
Is the version with “The kids” wrong? Or is it acceptable when you are not referring to one particular character? Imagine if there were 6 kids for example,where it would feel very strange to list all their names, and I can’t really think how I would do it other than saying “the kids”.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Kirk
What about the following examples:
“Sally flung up her arms and wrapped them around Martin.”
“Jack looked at Martin and then at the door.”
or
“Sally flung up her arms and wrapped them around her dad.”
“Jack looked at his dad and then at the door.”
Is is okay to use “his/her dad” when I’m talking about the father character as I imagine the children would think of him? Or should I still be calling him “Martin” here, even though it sort of makes it sound rather informal/distant, as though they maybe see him like a step father or something?
Note: I’m writing this in omniscient third person.
If you’re in a deep narrative, you would want to refer to the character by whatever name or title the narrator would use. E.g.: “Sally wrapped her arms around Dad.” Personally, I often find this awkward and would actually opt for the “title” in most instances: “Sally wrapped her arms around her dad.”
However, in an omniscient narrative, it’s also possible to get away with the more distant attribution.
Good question. With omniscient, the rules on this will change slightly, since you’re automatically creating a narrative with more distance. It’s also a different story when you’re dealing with a group. As you say, you wouldn’t talk about a football team by naming every single player. So I think you’re find referring to the plurality of kids by a “title” in some instances.
Cool, thanks for the feedback, on both comments. 😀
Glad to be of help!
I’m writing a third-person subjective, pov through the main character, a young woman (Ray) pretending to be an adolescent boy and about a thrid of the story told through her male coworker (Dex) who has no idea Ray’s true gender. I’m having trouble with the pronouns during the chapters from Dex’s pov.
I know, and the readers know that Ray is a female, but through Dex’s pov chapters, should Ray be referred to as “he” as Dex knows her or “she” as she actually is?
I find myself avoiding pronouns and labeling Ray “the boy” or “the kid” when Dex associates, talks or thinks of her. Since it’s third person, I’m afraid it may be confusing to label Ray “he” but I don’t think using labels on her if very effective either.
Any thoughts? I appreciate any feedback!
Yes, you’ll want to refer to the character by whatever pronoun the current narrator is aware of. Ray would think of herself as “she”; Dex would think of her as “he.” Readers will understand.
Oh, I am so guilty of this, that it still exists after I went in to manage the problem.
In my short story /excerpt, one of the characters is a ‘brannonite,’ meaning she dresses up as the MC because he’s the thorn in the side of an oppressive regime. (Somewhere between “I am Spartacus” and Guy Faux.) The short-short is almost over before she introduces herself, so Brannon just resorts to calling her “Brannon” which is appropriate to the characters, and the narrator usually calls her ‘the brannonite.’
I went in to enhance the emotional arc – it was already good, I think – then I come back to read this. Back to it again!
What about a person, who has different titles/names for different viewpoints?
Ex. Mrs. Helen Pickett AKA Cassandra’s mother
In Cassandra’s POV, should Helen always be referred to as “her mother”?
In Matt’s (Hero) POV, should Helen always be referred to as “Mrs. Pickett”?
In Mildred (Helen’s friend), should Helen always be referred to as “Helen”?
In the narrative POV, should Helen always be referred to as “Helen”?
Technically, yes. It’s nice when as many POVs as possible can refer to the character by the same name, but ultimately staying true to the narrating character is more important.
Hi, I’m not a writer looking for advice, but I KNOW there’s a technical term for what you’re describing, probably something with *nym in the word. Please tell me what it is, because for the life of me I can’t remember and just can’t find a way to enter the right terms in a google search…
Not that I know of. But if you find out, let me know. :p
I hope you’re still reading replies! 🙂 Do blog posts work the same way? My blog will be about life experience and the lessons learned. My jumping off point will be about my husband’s cancer and death, and dealing with life and emotions in the aftermath. Ours is a story of hope and life.
I originally didn’t intend to include the name of our oncologist or hospital; they are not important to the narrative. I changed my mind after reading that including those details might help with getting picked up by a google search.
I included that information in the post that talks about where we learned his diagnosis–it was one of those “one in a million” things, in the worst possible way. But I don’t feel compelled to use the doctor’s name every time it comes up.
Blog posts, while they can be linked back to in future posts, are more stand-alone. It seems simpler to say “at our appointment with our oncologist,” rather than “at our appointment with our oncologist, Dr Smith” every time. I’m wondering if “our oncologist” or “our doctor” would be more appropriate, unless I included dialogue.
Blog posts are a little different. The narrative structure isn’t as deep and it’s understood that extraneous details (such as doctors’ names) are often deleted, both for expediency and for privacy.
Excellent thank you!
Fantastic article! I’m reading a story for a friend and I’ve come to the conclusion that she forgot her characters’ names about a quarter of the way through. For instance one main character became the student, then she added the teen, and then the brunette, and the blue-eyed boy, all used randomly. Similarly, the other main character gained a handful of descriptive names. I found myself chanting, “use their names, use their names, USE THEIR NAMES!” I’m going to make sure she sees this article! Thank you!
I’m guilty as charged with the replace name with title thing. (I just got tired of using the character’s name so frequently.) I’ll need to go through and edit a bit.
I have a question on grandma.
The children call her Grandma. Her name is Ethel. Can i use Ethel in narrative? She is introduced as Grandma Ethel .
Hannah looked at her grandma.
“Grandma, i need help.”
– Ethel shuffled over to her chair.
– Grandma Ethel shuffled over.
-Hannah’s grandma shuffled over.
-Her grandma shuffled over.
The grandma is a main character used often.
If i use Grandma Ethel all the time it just seems to young of a readers audience.
If you’re in a deep narrative, you’ll want to call her whatever the narrator naturally thinks of her as.
This is a very informative and practical post. However, as numerous comments above have noted, the most challenging situation when using title versus name is for parents, especially in third person.
No matter how deep your third person POV is, there will likely be situations in which the character’s mother or father is interacting with another character (with the main POV character present in the scene), and the constant use of “Brian’s mother said,” is a bit unsettling. And yet, to come up with a pattern in which some paragraphs/interactions use the character’s given name and other passages use “Brian’s mother,” is tricky.
Anyway, it’s necessary to iron out many of these types of issues to take your writing to the next level. Quite often something in the original post or comments jars something loose and leads to a solution. Perhaps this discussion still has life left in it. (Or perhaps the mother/father issue might be worthy of another blog post!)
This is good info that I will keep an eye on in the future.
My question is about a specific title, like an actual title, “The King”
Its not his profession or name, its his actual title. You wouldn’t say “Richard beheaded his wife.” You WOULD say “King Richard beheaded his wife.” So what is wrong with “The King beheaded his wife?” Everyone already knows that Richard is the King. He is not a King like someone is a Doctor, he is The King.
Technically, he is *a* king–since there are many kings of many countries. To some extent, this is a stylistic choice. Capitalizing “the King” isn’t technically correct, but can be used if it fits the customs of the country and is used consistently throughout the piece.