Sounds like, but it wasn’t. As a matter of fact, those opening paragraphs were falling flatter than a pancake. Even I was bored. The scene lacked something vital: a sense of energy and dynamism. A sense of motion. The chapter opens at the train station in Nairobi. My POV character, Danny Lager, stands on the end of the platform, frozen, as he recognizes the other character, John Quinn, approaching the ticket counter. All sorts of emotions are running through his brain. The scene is rich with narrative possibilities and suspense as it builds toward the confrontation that everyone (Danny, Quinn, myself, the readers) knows is coming. The problem, I realized, was that Danny was just standing there. He wasn’t doing anything—and, as a result, neither was my scene.
I’m a visual learner (as opposed to auditory or kinesthetic), and I lean heavily on that propensity in writing scenes. When something doesn’t feel right, I stop, close my eyes, and let the scene play out in my head, just as if it were a movie. My inner eye almost always knows what a scene should look like, and it almost always balks at static characters. Why? Because a character standing still—especially if he’s standing still just thinking—isn’t doing much to move the plot forward. Not only does he run the risk of presenting a flat visual landscape, he also lacks any actions that can be used to break up large chunks of narrative and dialogue.
A character who’s moving—even if he’s just walking across the street—gives the reader the sense that the story is moving forward along with him. His motion imparts a sense of progression and urgency that is vital for advancing the story.
I ended up ripping out my chapter’s opening paragraphs and starting over. This time around, Danny isn’t standing on the platform, waiting for Quinn to see him. Instead, he’s hard at work, loading sacks of seed into one of the train cars. By the time he looks up and sees Quinn, the scene already has a sense of forward progression thanks to his activity, and his internal narrative is divided into tighter chunks by mingling it with his actions.
Voila! A few quick changes resurrected my scene from its near-death experience with boredom.
If you find yourself struggling with a scene that feels flat or bloated, take a second look to make sure your characters are in motion. Unless there’s a good reason for their doing so, don’t let them just sit or stand around. Put them to work at something that will move both them and the plot forward.
Related Posts: How to Use Scene Breaks to Cut the Fat
3 Elements of the Story: Humor, Action, & Relationships
Are Your Characters Talking Heads?
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Click the “Play” button to Listen to Audio Version.
Story by K.M. Weiland
Tags: action , dialogue , narrative , scenes , SYN , the deepest breath , writer's block
This was really helpful for me today. I was just thinking about this yesterday and your blog post today made perfect sense about what was missing. Thanks for the advice!
I'm kinesthetic (hands-on learner), so I don't really picture a scene. If a section stalls for me, it's often because I need to think about it and play with it some more.
@Ezmirelda: Glad to hear it hit the spot!
@Linda: I often get up to act out scenes, particularly when the choreography is difficult. You might have good luck with that.
I learned this lesson the hard way. Thanks for the reminder! BTW, I purchased Conquering Writer's Block and have listened to it through twice (I also make whoever is in the car with me listen also. :-)) and I love it! I'm going to boost my music collection to include more soundtracks. I love listening to music as I write. So thank you for the CD!
So glad you enjoyed the CD! Makes my day to hear it was useful.
Great advice! I've never thought of it that way, but that's brilliant. Thank you for sharing ;o)
My rule of thumb (which certainly isn't a universal rule) is that if it would look poorly in a movie shot, it could probably be made better on the page. Motion almost always looks better.
Thanks for the tips
You're always welcome!
Great post. I'm in editing mode right now so this is really useful. :o)
Viva la editors!
this is a super great tip! I'm in revisions right now, and I'll keep an eye out for this~
Thanks, girl! :o)
The great thing about this little gaffe is that it's usually lots of fun to correct.
Hi K.M. I struggle with forgetting to add this element to my writing. This is a good reminder to go back and see where this can be slipped into the ms and create better images for the reader.
Thanks
Because fiction is a word-based medium, it's easy for us to emphasize thoughts and dialogue to the extent of actions. But a balanced approach can really work wonders in perking up our scenes.
Guess in your re-write you decided to vote Danny the one character most likely to sack seed.
Pretty much!
Hi Ms. Weiland!
Lovely post! My editing stage is going to last an eternity. I found your post because I was trying to find out how to add action to scenes where the characters are researching. My story is about a lot of uncovering truths, digging for information and just research. Which, when read, is very BORING! I need help! What can I do to liven up the research scenes? I tried having my characters learn the information another way, but I just can't think of anyway BUT getting on a computer (possibly a phone) and researching. Can you lend any advice?
PS Loved your book, Outlining Your Novel!
Shelby
Thanks for stopping by! I'm so glad you enjoyed Outlining Your Novel. I'm assuming the importance of your scene is the relaying of the research info to the reader more than the actual action of discovering it. If that's the case, you can probably get away with summarizing most of it. If possible, you might consider using two characters who will have opposing reactions to the info to discuss the research.