Sometimes it pays to think of yourself before others. Many of us grew up with the Golden Rule etched into our psyche. And most of us would probably like to think we follow that rule as often as possible. But when it comes to writing, the Golden Rule isn’t of much use. In fact, it can be downright dangerous to our careers, because if we’re trying to please others in our writing, then we’re probably in grave danger of snuffing, or at least damping, our creative spark.
I once mentioned the necessity of “writing for ourselves” to a fellow writer.
“You can’t write what other people want,” I insisted. “You can’t let yourself be pressured into meeting the standards and expectations of others. You have to write what you want.”
She looked at me slightly askance. “What happened to pleasing others before yourself?”
I understand the quandary. People like to please people—not only for altruistic reasons, but for the simple fact that when we give others what they want, they give us what we want—respect, adulation, and warm fuzzies. Pleasing people is usually way more fun than not pleasing them. But it’s also a speed bump on the road of creative vision.
Back in the days when no one read my work, it was a simple matter to write a story. I’d plop down in my desk chair and simply start putting words to the pictures and voices in my head. No muss, no fuss. I just wrote the story the way I expected it to be, because I didn’t have to worry about meeting the expectations of others. But as soon as people actually started reading what I wrote, the fun backyard ball game suddenly morphed into an intense chess match.
Even scarier, people (some people, anyway) liked what I wrote. And I liked that they liked it. So, naturally, I wanted them to keep on liking it. Instead of writing with an audience of one (or, maybe I should say, an audience of one and One) in mind, I started trying to see my works-in-progress through the filter of what I thought were other people’s expectations. How would So-and-So perceive this scene? Would he get the humor? Would he appreciate the drama? Maybe Such-and-Such likes genre fiction too much to appreciate this literary section? Maybe Mr. Doe likes literary fiction too much to even bother reading this rip-roaring adventure sequence?
Ultimately, it’s a useless and destructive habit. I can’t please everyone, no matter how much I try. And if that’s my sole focus, then I’m definitely not going to be pleasing myself—which pretty much sucks the joy and the passion right out of my work anyway, leaving both me and my readers with an anemic, sluggish piece of writing that isn’t worth the time of their reading or my writing.
This goes for revisions too. I’m a firm believer in constructive criticism, and I seek it whenever possible from qualified readers. But even the most qualified of criticism isn’t always right. Ultimately, the author is the only person who can compare his artistic vision with the project itself and decide how they match up and what needs to be done to perfect it. It’s easy, in our desire both to please others and to better ourselves, to give in to every whim of every critiquer. I admit I sometimes feel guilty for ignoring people’s advice. But if their opinions don’t match up with the vision I have for my story, then I have every right to ignore it.
I’m sure my gut feelings aren’t always right. Undoubtedly, certain stories would have been better off if I hadn’t rejected the advice of others. But I also have no doubt that if I ever surrender my stories, against my own wishes, to the direction of another, then whatever the result—be it good or bad—won’t be mine. And if isn’t mine, then it probably wasn’t worth writing.
Story by K.M. Weiland
Tags: artistic vision , crit partners , criticism , Critiquing
Thank you for your advice. It sure makes sense. If what we write isn't coming from somewhere deep within ourself, then it's not worth the effort.
I got your book and I'm starting it this evening. Can't wait.
Yes, well put. Strangely, it's sometimes a hard concept for folks to grasp - esp. Christians. We like to please other people.
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy the book.
Thanks for that. I used to write for myself to. My first book was written just to see if I could. With my newest book, I'm writing for the mass audience and try to have something for everyone. I know my work will not please all readers or Christians no matter how much I tinker. On Absolute Write a writer's agent wanted her to completely gut her story and have the romance switch from girl/boy to girl/girl. I don't mind taking advice and making revisions on plot points, but that's ridiculous. I have to please myself with my story and ultimately God. I can't worry about people.
That's crazy. I think all but the most desperate among us would refuse such a radical change. It's usually pretty easy to spot and resist the blatant attempts of others to control or change our work. It's the subtle little influences that are often hard to fight.
Very, very well put. I've come to realize the quickest way to writer's block is to imagine my kids reading my work someday. And the thing is, like it or not, they definitely like me, but that single image can stop me cold. And as you said, toning things down takes out the spark and leaves just words.
I've deleted writing (personal stuff mostly) for that very reason and lived to regret it. To survive as a writer, you have to be so comfortable with who you are (either that, or pretty darn good at faking it) that you can show your insides to the world without flinching.
Hi.
I'm glad you added me on Twitter, because I love your blog. LOVE! It's so interesting, and informative. When I find a new blog, I normally read through a few previous posts, but never as far back as I did with yours. I think I've just spent at least 30min reading backwards. I will definitely be back.
I always appreciate it when you give me permission to ignore you!
Sometimes it isn't just what we write that doesn't appeal to our critters and others, but the way we write it. I've noticed you and I have stylistic differences that we're always correcting in each other. And I imagine there are times we each ignore the other!
A saying comes to mind, "You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all the people all of the time."
@littlescribbler: Wow. Thank you! I'm sure I'll enjoy trading tweets with you. Love your moniker, BTW.
@linda: What?! You ignore me? JK
@Lynn: And that brings another saying to mind: "Just about every book every printed contains something that someone objects to." - Studs Terkel
In my opinion, there are two pitfalls waiting for a writer: Listening too much to critics and not listening enough.
In the end, it is your voice to which you must remain true.
Nice blog. I'm glad I stopped by.
Thank you! I'm glad you did stop by. Yes, as with most of the "rules" of writing it's a delicate line to walk. Probably, we tend to vacillate between the two all our lives.
Thanks for your post. I need to remember your advice and write first for myself and not for the market etc. At one time no one wanted science fiction, yet it's my passion. Now editors are interested again. Like the flu, the trends change every year.
I'm going to subscribe to your blog.
The thing about trends is they change so rapidly. Science fiction can be the height of popularity when you start writing a book, and by the time you're done, something else has taken it's place. You can't chart the market.
Thanks for reading!
"And if isn’t mine, then it probably wasn’t worth writing."
thanks. i needed the reminder. i always do my best writing when i'm making up a story for me.
Me too. And, ironically, as your career grows and more and more people read your work, the harder it is to write for just *you*. But it's no less important!